“Do you wonder why you have to feel the things that hurt you? If there is a God who loves you, where is he now? Well maybe, there are things you can’t see and all those things are happening to bring a better ending. Some day, some how you’ll see, you’ll see. Would you dare to believe that you still have a reason to see, cause the pain that you’ve been feeling can’t compare to that joy that’s coming. So hold on, you gotta wait for the light. Press on, and just fight the good fight. Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling is just the dark before the morning.” - Josh Wilson

So I’m sitting on my floor with my computer, bible, saltine crackers, and a fresca. Fifteen minutes ago I was in the SLC studying and this wave of discontent came over me. It’s hard to explain. I became light headed, sick to my stomach, and just wanted to cry. Why? I couldn’t tell you, even if I wanted to. There are so many things that are not okay right now. And I feel stupid crying over it because their are people around this world who have much worse situations that I do. But anyway… What’s my point? I’m not really sure. But I’m so stressed out. I have finals next week and it will seriously be an act of God if I pass my Accounting class. What’s worse is that I’ve never been the type of student that ever had to worry about things like that. I hate being a student. I feel like its a huge waste of time. But God has (for some strange reason) called me to be here. While I was sitting in the SLC studying I called my mom, and her stress did not help the stress I was feeling. I want to pretend like one else exists and just curl up in bed with my bible. What if I just turned off my phone and computer for a week? Could I do that? I know, I’m seriously rambling. 

Anyway… So I was walking back to my car and I wanted to cry so bad, but I couldn’t. And I’m upset for a reason(s) that I can’t even explain. I want to call my dad, but I can’t. He always had the right things to say - and I took that for granted. I want to talk to Katie, but she’s asleep. I don’t know what I would say even if I could talk to them. I can’t figure it out. I know God knows what’s wrong. I’ll definitely be asking him for answers and comfort tonight. Two years ago I never would have felt this way. I was in my own little world. I loved Athens. I loved being a student. Not so much anymore. I know its because I’m a Christian. I know there is a reason for my suffering. I know there is good for those who love God. 

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope. Romans 5:3

Godspeed.